Monday, May 16, 2011

Day One

I need a change. I need to change.

My name is Jenny and I am 27 years old, it's just shy of my 28th birthday. I have been overweight nearly my entire life, for just about 20 years now. I started gaining weight in my pre-teens and after many years of trying to figure out why, I was finally diagnosed with PCOS, PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome. Today my Wii Fit told me I weighed 285 pounds and then said "that's obese!" in a far too cheerful voice. I haven't weighed myself in a while and I am shocked by that number because I was down to 260 not long ago. I don't feel like I weigh that much...and apparently neither does my body. My cholesterol is perfect, my blood pressure is just below normal, my blood sugar is good. PCOS causes me to have insulin resistance so I am on medicine for that, but that keeps my blood sugar from being too low. When I received my diagnosis, I was told that I would never have children of my own and that losing weight would be nearly impossible. I believed it.

I have been using that as an excuse for over a decade. Yes, PCOS does make it hard to lose weight, but I know it's not impossible, especially with all of the advancements that have been made concerning this syndrome. I can do it, if I really tried.

The honest truth is:

1) I *hate* exercising. It feels like such a chore and I never feel like I have the time to do it. I have a whole bunch of things here to exercise with - an indoor and outdoor bike, yoga supplies, a Wii Fit, videos, small weights and even a game on the PS3 that tracks your movement. Why don't I use them? Because there are at home and I am easily distracted! I take my dogs for walks everyday and I power walk so I do get exercise everyday, but obviously just walking is not going to be enough to lose this much weight.

2) I *love* food. Although I am not one of those people who loves to eat at McDonald's everyday, I love to eat! I love Mexican food and depending on how it's prepared, can be pretty terrible for you. The meals I make at home are generally healthy and I love veggies and salads, but my downfall is SUGAR! I could easily give up candy, but cakes, cookies, anything baked, I love them. Considering that diabetes is like a wildfire in my family, I really need to watch that.

Last year I decided to go back to school. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made. It's been an interesting adjustment, but I am glad I did it. I feel the same way about this project. I am finally excited to do something about it! I started this project because I know that I need to find a better way to lose weight. No more fad diets or depriving myself because as history has told me, I will fall off the wagon in two weeks and eat an entire cake (it was a small one, I swear!). I need to be strong and I need to have something to answer to. That is why I created this blog. I hope it makes me accountable for my choices, whether it be food choices or my choice to go to the gym or not.

I have not set a weight goal as of yet, because every time I do and I don't meet it, I get discouraged. My weight loss is probably not going to be as fast as it should be. I am not doing this to look better. I am comfortable with who I am and what I look like. I want to lose weight so the possibility of having my own children will increase and so that when I am older, I don't have to be plagued with weight-related illnesses. If I don't do this now, it is going to be so much harder to do later.

No one may ever read this blog and that's okay. It is here for me, first and for most, but my wish is that maybe someday I will inspire someone else to do what I am doing right now.

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